What Is Toxic Masculinity, Really? Understanding the Term and Its Impact

Here’s an honest confession: I almost didn’t write this article.

Not because the topic isn’t important. It is. But because the phrase “toxic masculinity” has become one of those terms that either makes people defensive or turns them off completely before the conversation even starts.

And I get it. If you’re a man trying to do right by yourself and the people around you, hearing that masculinity is “toxic” can feel like an attack on who you are.

So let’s clear something up right from the start: masculinity isn’t toxic. Certain expressions of masculinity can be. And understanding the difference might be one of the most important things you do for your mental health, your relationships, and your life.

Where Did This Term Even Come From?

The phrase “toxic masculinity” didn’t originate from people who hate men. It actually came from a men’s movement.

According to Psychology in Action, the term was born out of the mythopoetic men’s self-improvement movement in the 1980s and 90s. This movement, founded by men for men, approached masculinity from a psychological perspective. They used “toxic masculinity” to describe behaviors of men who hadn’t yet matured into their deeper, healthier masculine potential.

In other words, it was men calling out other men. Not to tear masculinity down, but to help men grow into something better.

Over time, the term evolved. Today, it generally refers to harmful social norms about how men should behave that can lead to aggression, emotional suppression, and mental health issues.

Interestingly, the American Psychological Association’s guidelines for psychological practice with boys and men never actually use the phrase “toxic masculinity.” Instead, they discuss “traditional masculinity ideology” and its potential harms. The term has become more of a cultural shorthand than a clinical one.

So What Are We Actually Talking About?

Let’s get specific. When people discuss toxic masculinity, they’re usually referring to certain rigid norms that men are pressured to follow.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, toxic masculinity has three core components:

Toughness. Men must be strong, aggressive, and emotionally hardened. Showing pain, fear, or vulnerability is seen as weakness.

Anti-femininity. Men must reject anything perceived as feminine. This includes showing most emotions, accepting help, or engaging in “soft” behaviors.

Power. Men derive worth from status, money, dominance, and control over others.

Now, before you object: there’s nothing inherently wrong with being strong, ambitious, or capable. The problem isn’t these qualities themselves. It’s when they become rigid requirements that leave no room for anything else.

As Newport Institute puts it: “Qualities like strength, leadership, ambition, providing for and protecting others, and being good at sports are not toxic in themselves. They can be positive, supportive, and beneficial traits.”

The toxicity emerges when men feel they must suppress every other part of themselves to fit a narrow mold. When strength means you can never ask for help. When toughness means you can never admit you’re struggling. When power means you must dominate rather than collaborate.

How These Pressures Actually Hurt Men

Here’s where it gets personal. These norms don’t just affect how others perceive you. They shape your inner life, your health, and your relationships.

Mental health suffers. According to Wikipedia’s review of research, the APA found that men who adhere to traditionally masculine cultural norms (risk-taking, emotional control, dominance) tend to experience more depression, stress, body image problems, substance use, and poor social functioning.

A 2025 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that toxic masculinity was strongly linked to “restrictive emotionality,” the belief that showing emotion is weakness. And this emotional restriction predicted men’s avoidance of seeking help for emotional problems and suicidal thoughts.

You become isolated. Research from Michigan State University found that men who endorse hegemonic masculinity ideals become socially isolated as they age. When you can’t share your struggles with anyone, you end up alone with them.

Relationships struggle. If you can’t be vulnerable, you can’t create real intimacy. If you must always be in control, you can’t have equal partnerships. The very norms that are supposed to make you “more of a man” often undermine your ability to connect with the people you love.

Physical health declines. According to Wikipedia, preliminary research suggests that cultural pressure for men to be stoic may shorten lifespans by making men less likely to discuss health problems with physicians.

The King Street Chronicle points out a troubling statistic: while women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression, men account for eight out of every ten suicides in the United States. Part of this gap comes from men not seeking help because they’ve been taught that needing help equals weakness.

Wait, Is Masculinity the Problem?

This is where the conversation gets complicated, and honestly, where I think a lot of nuance gets lost.

Some critics argue that the term “toxic masculinity” itself is problematic. A 2024 study of over 4,000 men in the UK and Germany found that believing masculinity negatively influences behavior was associated with reduced mental wellbeing in men.

An earlier pilot survey found that around 85% of respondents considered the term “toxic masculinity” insulting and probably harmful to boys.

The British Psychological Society has expressed concern that terms like “toxic masculinity,” though intended to describe specific behaviors, can imply that all men are dysfunctional in some way.

Here’s my take: the concept matters, even if the term is flawed.

The point isn’t that masculinity is bad. The point is that rigid, narrow definitions of masculinity can trap men in patterns that hurt them and others. You can acknowledge that without feeling like your identity as a man is under attack.

Think of it this way: if someone said “toxic eating habits,” you wouldn’t assume they were attacking the concept of eating. They’d be pointing out that certain approaches to eating (bingeing, restriction, ignoring hunger cues) cause harm. Eating itself remains essential and good.

The same logic applies here. Masculinity itself isn’t toxic. But some versions of it, pushed to extremes and enforced rigidly, can cause real damage.

What Does Healthy Masculinity Actually Look Like?

If toxic masculinity is the problem, healthy masculinity is part of the solution. But what does that actually mean?

According to Princeton’s UMatter program, research shows that most men don’t personally agree with “real men” stereotypes. Unfortunately, many go along with expected attitudes and behaviors because they think other men endorse them.

That’s worth sitting with. Most men aren’t buying into rigid masculine norms because they believe in them. They’re doing it because they think everyone else expects it.

Here’s what healthy masculinity might include, according to various sources:

Emotional awareness. You can be strong AND feel your feelings. Real strength includes knowing what’s happening inside you and being able to communicate it.

Vulnerability. Research from the University of Texas at Austin suggests men who are compassionate, vulnerable, and emotionally balanced have more confidence than men who adhere to rigid masculine stereotypes.

Asking for help. Getting support when you need it isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. The guy who tries to carry everything alone isn’t tough; he’s just setting himself up for collapse.

Accountability. Taking responsibility for your actions, admitting mistakes, and learning from them. That’s actual strength, not the performance of invincibility.

Protection that serves, not controls. Using your strength to support vulnerable people, not to dominate them. There’s a difference between being protective and being possessive.

Full humanity. As the Institute for Family Studies puts it: “A man embodying healthy masculinity knows who he is. He is physically healthy and strong. He is pursuing and developing his skills and capabilities to make him more competent and able to take action.”

That last point matters. Healthy masculinity isn’t about rejecting traditionally masculine traits. It’s about expanding what’s allowed. You can be ambitious AND compassionate. Strong AND emotionally aware. A leader AND someone who listens.

How to Move Forward

If you’ve recognized yourself in some of the patterns described here, that’s actually good news. Awareness is the first step.

Here are some practical ways to start:

Notice your internal rules. When you feel pressure to act a certain way, pause and ask: “Is this actually serving me, or am I just following a script?” You might be surprised how many “masculine” behaviors you do automatically without ever questioning them.

Practice naming emotions. Beyond “fine” and “angry.” When something bothers you, get specific. Disappointed? Anxious? Hurt? Overwhelmed? Research shows that simply labeling emotions helps you process them.

Build at least one relationship where you can be honest. You don’t need to become an open book with everyone. But having one person (a friend, partner, therapist, or men’s group) where the mask comes off makes a real difference.

Redefine strength for yourself. What does being a strong man actually mean to you? Not what movies told you. Not what your father modeled. What do YOU believe makes a man truly strong?

Get support if you need it. Therapy isn’t weakness. Men’s groups aren’t soft. Asking for help is one of the most courageous things you can do.

The Bottom Line

Toxic masculinity isn’t a term designed to attack men. It’s a concept that tries to name something real: the harm that comes from rigid, narrow definitions of what men are allowed to be.

The pressure to always be tough, never show weakness, dominate rather than collaborate, and suppress anything that looks “soft” hurts men. It hurts their mental health, their relationships, their bodies, and their lives.

But here’s the thing: you get to define what masculinity means for you.

You can be strong and vulnerable. Ambitious and emotionally present. A protector who also asks for help. A leader who also listens.

That’s not less masculine. That’s fuller. More human. More real.

The men I admire most aren’t the ones who never show weakness. They’re the ones who face their struggles honestly, take responsibility for their growth, and show up fully for the people they love.

That’s the kind of man I’m trying to be. What about you?