Here’s a question that shouldn’t be controversial but somehow still is:
Should men be allowed to struggle?
I mean really struggle. Not the “tough day at the office” kind. The kind where you’re not okay. Where getting out of bed feels like climbing Everest. Where the weight on your chest has no name but won’t go away.
If you hesitated before answering, you’ve already proven my point.
We live in a world that’s finally starting to take mental health seriously. Therapy is mainstream. Self-care is celebrated. Awareness campaigns are everywhere.
And yet. When it comes to men specifically, something gets stuck. A wall goes up. The conversation shifts.
That wall has a name: stigma.
The Numbers That Should Wake Us Up
Let’s start with the uncomfortable facts.
According to research from Priory Group, 77% of men polled have suffered with symptoms of common mental health conditions such as anxiety, stress or depression. 40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health.
Read that again. Nearly 8 out of 10 men experience mental health symptoms. But 4 out of 10 have never talked to anyone about it.
Why? 29% of those say they are “too embarrassed” to speak about it, while 20% say there is a “negative stigma” on the issue.
Here’s where it gets darker. Data shows that men are significantly less likely than women to use mental health services. In 2021, only 40% of men with a recent mental illness received treatment (vs 52% of women).
And the consequence? Globally, men are more than twice as likely to die by suicide than women. Despite these higher rates of suicide, men have lower reported rates of depression.
That gap between reported depression and actual suicide tells you everything about stigma’s deadly cost.
What Stigma Actually Looks Like
When we talk about “stigma,” it can sound abstract. So let me make it concrete.
Research identifies multiple types of stigma affecting men’s mental health:
Social stigma refers to the negative attitudes toward and disapproval of a person or group experiencing mental health illness rooted in misperception that symptoms of mental illness are based on a person having a weak character.
Self-stigma is the internalization of social stigma, in that the person with the mental illness feels shame about his or her symptoms.
And then there’s cultural stigma. Mental health illness is considered a taboo topic in the Black community. Those experiencing mental health issues are often considered weak, broken, and not strong enough.
But stigma shows up in smaller ways too. It’s the mate who changes the subject when you mention feeling down. The boss who questions your commitment when you need a mental health day. The voice in your own head saying “other people have real problems.”
Research on men’s help-seeking found that when men disclosed their depression, they were not met with support: instead, they were criticized and called names.
No wonder we stay quiet.
The Masculinity Trap
Here’s where it gets complicated. Stigma doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s tied directly to how we define manhood.
Studies consistently show that men may be more vulnerable to stigmatized attitudes and beliefs toward mental illness because experiencing a mental illness transgresses gender ideals including masculine strength and self-reliance, by assigning weakness and dependence to men who disclose a mental illness.
Think about the messages boys absorb from day one. Be strong. Don’t cry. Handle your business. Never show weakness.
Boys are inundated with messages such as “boys don’t cry” from a young age. Boys and men who early learn that others would not react favorably to them are less likely to display mental health symptoms to others.
So when a man feels depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, he faces a double bind. Not only is he suffering, but his suffering itself feels like proof that he’s failing at being a man.
That’s not a recipe for reaching out. That’s a recipe for isolation.
How Men’s Mental Health Shows Up Differently
Here’s something that makes the stigma problem worse: we often don’t recognize mental health issues in men because they don’t look like the stereotypes.
According to the ADAA, men often show different symptoms of mental health disorders than women. For example, depression in men may be masked by unhealthy coping behaviors rather than visible sadness.
WTW research explains that women tend to internalize emotions, while men are more likely to externalize them. Men tend toward self-destructive behavior such as escapist behavior, such as spending an excessive amount of time at work, overindulging on TV and other distractions.
So while a woman might cry or express sadness, a man might:
- Work obsessively
- Drink more
- Get irritable and angry
- Take risks
- Withdraw completely
These get labeled as “personality problems” or “bad behavior” rather than recognized as mental health symptoms. The man himself might not even connect the dots.
Modern Health notes that signals of distress in men can take on forms that may not match common expectations of what struggling looks like, which can increase the risk that real distress is misread or dismissed.
Because these behaviors are often misread as performance problems, men are more likely to be managed than supported.
The Workplace Problem
Speaking of work, let’s talk about where many men spend most of their waking hours.
HR Magazine reports that in male-dominated industries, stigma remains one of the biggest barriers to men getting support.
The same research notes that almost half of men say they would feel embarrassed seeking professional help for a mental health problem.
And the consequences are serious. REG Technologies found that work-related stress is noted as a significant contributor to negative mental wellbeing, with 79% of men voicing they frequently experience it. Yet only a quarter of employees seeking mental health support are male.
There’s a cruel irony here. Priory’s research shows that the biggest cause of mental health issues in men’s lives are work (32%), their finances (31%) and their health (23%).
So work causes much of men’s mental health strain. But work culture also prevents men from addressing it.
The Loneliness Factor
There’s another piece to this puzzle that doesn’t get enough attention: men are increasingly alone.
Recent data paints a troubling picture: a May 2025 Gallup analysis found that 1 in 4 U.S. males aged 15-34 (25%) said they felt lonely “a lot of the day”, which is significantly higher compared to young women in the same age group.
The 2021 American Perspectives Survey found that 15% of men report no close friends. This number increased from 3% to 15% between 1990 and 2021.
From 3% to 15%. That’s a fivefold increase in friendlessness over three decades.
Among them, 20% of single men report zero close friends.
When you combine stigma (can’t talk about struggles) with loneliness (no one to talk to anyway), you get a perfect storm of silent suffering.
What Actually Helps
Alright. Enough about the problem. What do we actually do?
For Men Struggling:
First, know this: seeking help is not weakness. When shared authentically, these stories can help reframe support-seeking as leadership, not weakness.
Research on young men found several solutions that actually work: “tailored mental health advertising,” “integrating mental health into formal education,” “education through semiformal support services,” “accessible mental health care,” and “making new meaning.”
Practical steps:
- Start with one person you trust. Just one.
- Consider digital resources first if face-to-face feels too much. Providing a range of self-guided digital resources that men can review discreetly and at their own pace can be a good entry point.
- Reframe therapy as performance optimization, not weakness. Elite athletes have coaches. Why shouldn’t you?
For Those Who Want to Help:
Be thoughtful with language. Terms like burnout, resilience, or mental fitness may feel more approachable to some men than depression or mental illness.
Health Assured found that 71% of men struggling with mental health wished they had come forward sooner.
So don’t wait for a crisis. Check in. Ask how someone’s really doing. And be ready to listen without judgment if they actually tell you.
The Bigger Picture
Here’s what I want you to take away from all this:
The stigma around men’s mental health isn’t just a “men’s issue.” It affects families, relationships, workplaces, and communities. When men suffer in silence, everyone loses.
Manhood needs to be redefined. There must be transformation in changing the global culture in which males are more comfortable expressing themselves.
That transformation starts with each of us. Every conversation that normalizes struggle. Every man who admits he’s not okay. Every friend who listens without flinching.
40% of men polled said it would take thoughts of suicide or self-harm to compel them to get professional help.
That statistic should haunt us. It means millions of men are waiting until they’re at the edge before reaching out.
We can change that. But only if we’re willing to challenge the unspoken rules that have been hurting men for generations.
Mental health isn’t a sign of weakness. Ignoring it is.